I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
