You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just cut my nipple shaving
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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