he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
