I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
