well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
