Buhtt sex?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
