It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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