Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
