You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
