Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
