I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
