she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
