Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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