I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
