Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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