Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
