i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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