i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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