My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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