Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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