using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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