Your face is a jimmy john
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
