watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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