it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
