OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
