shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
