the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
