she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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