dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
