I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
