she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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