So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
