I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's blow job season.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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