This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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