I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
