The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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