Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
