They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
