i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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