i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
