you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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