Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
