i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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