Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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