i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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