neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
