He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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