Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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