Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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