i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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