True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
