I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
