Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
